0 Arya attempts rescue with Hot Pie but is caught. Lommy killed by RAFF THE SWEETLING

have arranged the chapters in order and in a nice, neat 12-episode set… but as most people know, nothing is ever nice and neat in Westeros, and we here at Winter-is-coming.net proudly reflect that bold tradition by firmly stating there is no freaking way the second season of Game of Thrones will follow this all-too convenient script. Hell, I wouldn't follow it. I just stuck the chapters in order so you all would know what came where.

(You can consider it your homework assignment to try and figure out what would go where, as well as what should stay and what should simply go, never to be seen on television.)

The chapters are described in their shortest, most basic form. If you have not read the book, you will probably not understand much of this outline, and thus should not be reading it. New characters will be CAPITALIZED; new settings will also be UNDERLINED. From these basic building blocks we will begin to get an idea of the challenges that await Dave and D.B.

All names and events from A Clash of Kings are © George R. R. Martin (and some are probably © HBO too by now).

Spoilers await the unwary. You need only open the door…

GAME OF THRONES SEASON TWO: A CLASH OF KINGS

Episode 1

01. PROLOGUE: CRESSEN POV; at DRAGONSTONE; intro of MAESTER PYLOS, SHIREEN, PATCHFACE, DAVOS SEAWORTH, LORD STANNIS BARATHEON, LADY SELYSE BARATHEON, MELISANDRE; Maester Cressen fails to poison Melisandre, and the long tradition of prologue POV deaths takes its second step.

02. ARYA 1: Arya heads north with Yoren, accompanied by Gendry, Hot Pie, and Lommy. Intro of JAQEN H'GAR, RORGE, BITER. Arya beats the crap out of Hot Pie.

03. SANSA 1: Sansa attends Joffrey's name day tourney. Intro of SER ARYS OAKHEART, LADY TANDA STOKEWORTH, LOLLYS STOKEWORTH, SER DONTOS HOLLARD, SER BALON SWANN; Sansa's quick thinking saves drunken, pantless Dontos. Tyrion arrives.

04. TYRION 1: Tyrion surprises Cersei and council with his return. Varys later surprises Tyrion by visiting Shae in the inn Tyrion had stashed her in.

05. BRAN 1: Winterfell; intro of BIG WALDER, LITTLE WALDER; fun with logs and sticks. Old Nan says the red comet means dragons are returning. Osha tells Bran not to fight the wolf dreams. Bran later dreams he is Summer.

06. ARYA 2: More refugees encountered by Yoren's band on road; an encounter with gold cloaks reveals Gendry is sought by the crown.

07. JON 1: Jon and Sam prepare for the journey north. Mormont and Jon talk history; Jon again swears to keep his vows.

Episode 2

08. CATELYN 1: (new) intro of RIVERRUN; BLACKFISH and a sickly LORD HOSTER quarrel; intro of EDMURE. News of Gregor raiding the land; Catelyn decides to leave Riverrun to treat with Renly.

09. TYRION 2: Probable new intro of PODRICK PAYNE; intro of JACELYN BYWATER; Tyrion tricks Slynt and sends him to the Wall. Varys implies Meaghan and her baby were killed on Cersei's order. Shae is restless in the manse, but Tyrion will not risk her life.

10. ARYA 3: Yoren and his rag-tag group find a woman and her young daughter (WEASEL) in a burned out holdfast. The woman dies in the night.

11. DAVOS 1: Melisandre burns statues of the Seven, gives Stannis "Lightbringer." SALLADHOR SAAN tells Davos the sword is a fake. Davos and Stannis talk; Edric Storm mentioned.

12. THEON 1: Theon gets a blowjob aboard the MYRAHAM; CAPTAIN'S DAUGHTER is besotted. Ashore, intro of AERON DAMPHAIR, who escorts Theon to PYKE. Theon gives Robb's offer to his father LORD BALON GREYJOY, who throws it in his face; the ironmen will instead sail against the north.

13. DAENERYS 1: Dany and her followers suffer on their trek east; Doreah dies. They find abandoned city of VAES TOLORRO. Dany sends her blood riders out. Time passes; Rakharo eventually returns with PYAT PREE, XARO XHOAN DAXOS, and QUAITHE, all come to see the dragons.

Episode 3

14. JON 2: Mormont & co. find village of WHITETREE abandoned. Intro of DOLOROUS EDD. Other nameless villages found and passed through.

15. ARYA 4: Yoren's band also find abandoned villages; wind up in walled HARRENTOWN. SER AMORY LORCH comes in the night and storms the walls. Harrentown burns; most are killed including Yoren. Arya frees Jaqen, Rorge, Biter; flees Harrentown with Gendry, Hot Pie, Lommy, Weasel.

16. TYRION 3: Cersei freaks out about Stannis's accusatory letter. Tyrion meets with blacksmiths about constructing giant chain. Intro of ALAYAYA; Varys takes Tyrion from Chataya's to Shae's manor via secret path.

17. BRAN 2: Bran, now lord of Winterfell, treats with guests including LORD MANDERLY and widowed LADY HORNWOOD; first mention of the bastard Ramsay Bolton. Most guests want Lady Hornwood's hand in marriage.

18. TYRION 4: Tyrion steals potion from Pycelle; refuses Cersei's demand that Tywin send an army; makes deal with Littlefinger that will grant with it Harrenhal and lordship of the Trident; meets with Varys re: placating House Martell.

19. SANSA 2: Sansa meets with Ser Dontos in godswood; he promises to see her safely home. Later, Sansa encounters the Hound, who escorts her to her room; he frightens her but she promises to sing him a song one day soon.

Episode 4

20. ARYA 5: Arya and the boys on the lam. Arya reveals her true identity to Gendry in private.

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